Author: gordsellar

  • Bodhi-Dharma’s Work Song

    by Gord Sellar

    Chorus:
    I’m a-walkin’ down this road,
    Where it goes, nobody knows. (x2)

    Verse 1:
    One foot and then the other,
    the footsteps one by one.
    Five thousand miles to go
    Before my walkin’s done.

    Chorus:
    I’m a-walkin’ down this road,
    Where it goes, nobody knows. (x2)
    I’m a-goin’ to the East,
    Always famine, never feast. (x2)

    Bridge:
    cigarettes and tin cans in the ditch beside the road
    old men fishing in the shade
    choking on exhaust from trucks that rumble by
    turning to the east… following my feet—

    (Instrumental Solos)

    Bridge:
    cigarettes and tin cans in the ditch beside the road
    old men fishing in the shade
    choking on exhaust from trucks that rumble by
    turning to the east… following my feet—

    Final chorus:
    Sit beneath the bodhi tree,
    chewin’ on these leaves of tea. (x2)
    Never sleep and always pray,
    Swear we’ll all break out one day. (x2)
    I’m a-walkin’ down this road,
    Where it goes, nobody knows. (x2)


    I wrote this song while I was with Dabang Band, but while we ran through it a few times, it never ended up being part of our repertory. I’d still like to turn it into something, but I would need a couple of days with some music software, and a couple of baritone-voiced singers, and some recording gear. Doable, but it’d take time. We’ll see if I ever get to it. If I find the sheet music around, I’ll post a scan of it here…

  • Ode to the Competent

    The post officers: there are two of them here at the desk.
    One mouthing-in letters that never were there in addresses
    in foreign script — a quite-understandable gaffe,
    until it just cripples her into a useless, blank stare.

    There is nothing more to say of that officer here,
    because just then the other one rises up, the barrel of
    her torso turning about as she pushes her chair to its place.
    “I’ll do it,” she says, or something like that, and takes charge.

    Not pretty. I’m sure no one’s written a poem about her.

    A zip code copied exactly — one digit degraded
    just like in the flawed source. She flubs on the keyboard,
    asks a few times for the spelling, flubs, fixes, and skips
    the bits that don’t matter. My letters go out half-past five.

    No one is carving a marble statue of her triumph:
    her broad thighs resting on the grey of a polyester
    office chair, ponytail tight, fingers fumbling and
    keeping this bit of the world from falling apart.

    No one writes odes to people who get the job done.

    – Gord Sellar, 9 Nov. 2005

    Published in Diet Soap #4, 2009.

  • Dyscrasia

    Dyscrasia

    by Gord Sellar 

    Sketch by Tina Connolly

    “Aeish,” Su-Bin moaned, pumping away at the body. “How much longer do we have to do this?” Her eyes pleaded to me, Your turn.

    “Shouldn’t be long,” Kang-Shik said, glancing over at the family. They’d stopped watching. “It’s been about forty-five minutes already.”

    I placed my joined hands on her bony white chest, and braced my elbows. Her pretty cotton blouse was open wide, from when we’d used the defibrillator on her. Pump, pump, pump. The ache in my shoulders resumed. Someone’s grandma, long dead. She’d been brought in already pale and stiff, but Chief Resident Kim had recognized the family waiting in the lobby.

    “Hick bastards. They’re from Iksan… four hours’ drive,” he’d said, glancing at the corpse with a yawn. “Try CPR for an hour or so, out here in the hall, where they can see. Don’t want ’em complaining we didn’t try, like last time. Don’t bug me again unless it’s necessary.” Then he’d hurried back to resume his catnap.

    “Great exercise,” Kang-Shik had muttered, smiling weakly. Doctor humor. Like how the smell of electrocoagulation always brings quips about craving grilled pork.

    You can’t finish med school and still be weirded out by corpses. It’s impossible. You’re used to the cold, the stiffness, the lifeless stare: they’re familiar, even comfortable. But sometimes older, deeper instincts kick in. Sometimes you meet their eyes, or touch their icy skin, and shiver.

    A father and daughter passed by as I pumped at the corpse. His gaze met mine, slipped down to the dead body, and suddenly he looked away. He clumsily yanked his girl’s arm, roughly dragging the wide-eyed kid toward the lobby. I caught his anxious backward glance. In the harsh waiting-room light, the bluish tinge around his neck was more pronounced.

    Suddenly, the corpse began to cough. It hacked and choked until an enormous glob of yellow-gray sputum leaped from its mouth to the floor. Its cold, still-dead eyes met mine. I watched them slowly go bloodshot. Then they blinked, and stayed shut as it drew a long, wheezing breath.

    I lifted my hands from its chest, and stood back. Slowly, it raised itself up and swung its legs down to the floor. Its chest was alarmingly convex: we’d broken more of its tortured ribs, compounded past fractures that would never heal. Kang-Shik swung a supportive arm round its shoulder, and smiled winningly as the pekid farm family shambled over.

    “You okay?” Su-Bin asked.

    I nodded, glancing toward the lobby again. The guy with the kid was staring. Had I revived him? I couldn’t remember. I hoped he wouldn’t come try to talk to me. You hear stories about the ones who come back more intact. Their appetites.

    I rubbed my eyes and stretched. Su-Bin stared at me as she reached for the corpse’s chart.

    “You need sleep,” she said.

    “Yeah,” I said, nodding. “Maybe.” But first-year residents don’t get to sleep.

    As she scribbled on the chart, my beeper buzzed again.


    “Dyscrasia” was published in 2007 as part of the experimental Postcards from Hell series, edited by Jeff Crook. For more on the story, see here. By chance, the image that accompanied the story was done by my good friend (and fellow graduate of Clarion West 2006) Tina Connolly.

    UPDATE (28 Oct. 2012): Tina has also podcast this story, a number of years later, over at her Toasted Cake podcast.

  • Junk

    by Gord Sellar

    SIR–

    After reading your publication’s special issue focused on the debate over the so-called “junk-DNA babies” and GM research, I felt obligated to comment.

    I am a genetics-therapy counselor. People come to me everyday, asking: “Why can’t I have kids? Why me?” The less fortunate ask, “Why did my kid end up like this? Don’t you people know what you’re doing?

    The suffering these latter parents undergo is unimaginable. The genetic and developmental illnesses of the past — for example, thalidomide babies, autism, and fetal alcohol syndrome — seem almost trivial compared to the conditions of babies born to unknowing parents who underwent mainstream in vitro genetic therapy during the early biotech boom a few decades ago.

    Imagine your newborn baby covered with thick fur, or a chitinous carapace, or extra, nonhuman limbs. Imagine catching your two-year-old daughter laying small, thumb-sized pink eggs on her playroom floor. These are just a few examples real cases of clients I’ve counseled myself. Their questioning of the scientific establishment and the biotech industry’s competence is absolutely understandable.

    I tell them that we do know what we’re doing now, much more than we did a generation ago. That we have learned from the mistakes we’ve made, and will not repeat them again.

    This answer hasn’t satisfied anyone yet… but it’s the truth. For all their childrens’ suffering, the parents who come to see me have led very normal, healthy lives. That they remained unaware of their in vitro genetic treatments before pregnancy demonstrates how successfully their modifications warded off disease and minizmied contact with the medical establishment. Is involuntary childlessness too high a price for them to pay, given such benefits?

    A man who’d undergone preemptive genetic alteration visited me the other day. His alterations were aimed at preventing early-onset Alzheimer’s, a profoundly disruptive condition that would have directly affected the quality of his life. It took some time, but finally he agreed that the alterations made to his genes had been effective, and truly had benefited him. Unfortunately, they had been made before the differentiation of his sex cells.

    But at the time when he was conceived, the only treatment method technologically and economically available was to modify his genes before cell differentiation. The stripping of so-called “junk DNA” and its replacement with coded marker sequences was the easiest way to ensure quick, effective deployment of the viral reverse-transcriptase payload and the easiest way to target only the genes needed. If only “junk DNA” had actually been mere junk.

    A generation ago, there was every indication that it was. Noncoding DNA had (and still generally has) zero apparent impact on the functioning of somatic cells. Plenty of species, like copepods, certain roundworm species, and sciarid flies, have been naturally excising their noncoding DNA when forming their somatic cells for millennia without problems of this kind, for example. And in the short term, it has been an excellent method, which is why, even as scientists began to speculate about the role of “junk DNA” in long-term genomic stability, the industry of genetic treatment continued as it had done for years. Short term success simply wouldn’t heed the alarms of long-term problems, until it was too late.

    I understand their plight, and the stigma they suffer under, better than most people can. I face it everyday myself. I was treated in vitro for several familial cancer predispositions, and for other specific long-term epigenetic factors. Like many, I remained unaware of this fact until an ultrasound revealed my son’s condition to my wife and me.

    My son is now three years old. He was born armless, legless, with fins and a set of gills on his neck, and after he was born, he began to drown in the dry air of the delivery room. My ex-wife, whose genes were unmodified, was not shown him until hours after his birth. We had been warned of his condition months before, but there are things for which it is impossible adequately to brace oneself. I doubt that either of us shall ever fully recover from the shock.

    His face, with its wide black eyes and jagged teeth, the mottled blue-black skin of his body, combined with the unmistakably human sound of his infant cry horrified me, and I instinctively hated my child. The memory of that feeling, in a moment that should have been filled with joy, is a burden that will weigh upon me for the rest of my life.

    But I have adjusted, and now I care for my son in his mother’s absence — like many, she was understandably too distraught to parent a child like Christopher. I have a tank in my home that is large enough to accommodate him, and through our awkward mode of communication, I try to show him love. I see intelligence in his eyes, a very human intelligence, but I have, finally, given up all hope of communication.

    Yet I do not blame my parents, or the scientists of the past. It’s wrong to criticize people who long ago had their children’s genes modified. After all, they were all simply doing the best they could for us, their children, at the time.

    This all shows that more, not less, research is needed. Caution is indeed important, but we must not cut off research funding. Those who call for a moratorium are mistaken in thinking that tragedies will be averted; turning our backs on research will result in more such tragedies. Despite past mistakes, we must not abandon our quest to understand our own genome, who are are and what we are to become.

    Sincerely,
    Trevor Chilsom,
    Federal Genetics Treatment Counseling & Research Center, Rochester, New York


    Junk was originally published in the Futures column of Nature (Vol 448: 2 August, 2007). It is available at Nature’s website, but only through authorized subscribing institutions. My story notes for Junk are here. The art above is the same art that appeared with the original publication; it is by the inimitable Jacey (Jason Jaroslav Cook).

  • Kimchi Is Not Magical

    Kimchi is not magical.

    It cannot make you beautiful. It won’t make you ugly, either, though.

    It cannot fend off SARS. Lack of tourism fends of SARS.

    It will not make hair grow on your chest.

    It most definitely cannot cure H5N1 flu (that really scary “bird flu”), and I won’t believe it does till you show me the article in Nature, Science, or Epidemiology Today.

    It does not make you a better person for eating it.

    Not all Koreans like kimchi.

    It’s true. And I don’t mean just kids.

    Kimchi is not mystical.

    It’s fermented cabbage, for goodness’ sake! Yes, with other stuff. Pepper powder.

    I know how kimchi is made. Yes I do. Even if I’m not Korean. Yes. I was told the secret. It was very mundane.

    Kimchi does not prevent stomach cancer.

    Korea has one of the highest rates of stomach cancer in the world.

    If you don’t believe me, just check.

    Kimchi will not make your breasts bigger or smaller.

    Kimchi cannot prevent fan death.

    Because fan death does not exist.

    Kimchi does not equal Korea.

    You cannot tell the state of the nation by just tasting its kimchi.

    Not liking kimchi is not tantamount to spitting on the Korean flag. It’s just not.

    Actually, I like it fine. That’s beside the point.

    Kimchi will not save your marriage.

    It will not help you satisfy your woman’s desires more deeply.

    Kimchi will not change the world.

    Kimchi will not save the world.

    – Gord Sellar, 24 Oct. 2006

    Sorry for that vaguely Ginsbergian outburst. I just really, well, I don’t know what to do with the fact that some people take it as insulting that I refuse to believe such notions. Some people think you’re spitting on their nation because you don’t buy the notion that their national food has magical powers, and it drives me nuts.

    Who do I blame? Well, isn’t it the press who publishes tabloid-quality articles claiming all the magical powers of kimchi? The only response I can offer is, “Try find something in a scientific journal.” Is there anything at all in any major peer-reviewed scientific journal about kimchi? At all?

    I’m still waiting.

  • Joyful Conflagration: The Jeonju Sori Festival, 2005

    I was fortunate enough to have a chance to attend a majority of the performances at the Jeonju Sori Festival 2005, and each of the times I was asked to give my opinion of the festival, the same words passed through my mind. They’re from a poem called “City Lights”, by Canadian poet Roo Borson:

    To board a bus where everyone is talking at once,
    and count eight distinct languages, and not know any.

    The joy of bewildering, overwhelming heterogeneity was perhaps the deepest feeling I felt going from one concert to another. At one turn, Israeli and Palestinian folksong; next, Pansori; another evening, gamelan, and out in the courtyard, pounding kodo drums and a gleefully cheesy brass band. One evening, a jazz choir performing Duke Ellington, and the next, pipa and erhu fused with piano and cello and drums in wild avant-garde excusions. I heard the voices of Kurds singing, and upon North Korean instruments I’d never seen before, I heard melodies played using techniques smuggled across the Chinese border. It was the kind of international summit I was proud to attend.

    To begin to write about the festival once again fills my mind with a profusion of sounds and memories. I can hear the mbira of Chartwell Dutiro, who played at the pre-WOMAD show very clearly in my head, and his voice singing melodies from the countryside of Zimbabwe. I am certain that in his youth in Malawi—near what would later be called Zimbabwe, after decolonization—my father heard such melodies as those ringing out in the night. I can hear the voice of Cara Dillon soaring through tunes that are so Celtic that they feel to me familiar, as if perhaps my own ancestors would have sung such melodies. I think back to Geoffrey Oryema and Lior, two very different men who took complete control of the concert halls with nothing more than a guitar and their own voices.

    I think for many people, the Sori festival is a chance to hear well-performed Pansori and other traditional Korean music, performed at a level of excellence that is unusual, even for Jeonju. Certainly, this was also the case for me. I attended three different Pansori performances, and each of them fascinated me in their own way. Although I couldn’t catch much of the modern Pansori, 대 고구려 (“Goguryeo: A Great Nation”), which relied on a modern text and impressionistic dance blended with martial arts to convey something of the spirit of the time, I could tell that great battles and historical exploits were being discussed in a way that entertained the audience. As for me, I far more enjoyed Yum Kyung-ae’s rendition of Sugoong-ga – which in fact I discovered I could mostly follow along, because I already knew the story of the long-suffering rabbit beforehand. And the performance by Park Song-hee and her disciples of the Pansori Heungbo-ga – a story I know very well – was a revelation to me, with the highlight of the show being one of the pieces sung towards the end by Kim Sunyoung, accompanied by hilarious action and banter and marvelous comic dancing. I believe that I fell in love with Pansori that night, so much so that my poor girlfriend had to listen to my wild ravings about wanting to adapt vocal Pansori techniques to the saxophone.

    Another foreigner who accompanied me to that performance shared my excited first impressions of Pansori: for all that it is billed as a kind of “Korean opera”, the first comparison my friend and I discussed was that with Bessie Smith, the famous African-American blues/jazz singer. For one thing, the way an audience reacts to a Pansori performance is much more like how a good audience reacts to a jazz performance. In American, “얼씨구!” would be phrased somewhat differently, but just the same, people yell encouraging and affirming words to the performers as a matter of course. When I got over my shock at the young woman next to me calling out “응!” all of a sudden, I found myself very happy to find something so jazz-like within the Korean tradition. As with Pansori, it’s the sign of a good audience. Also, the way the singer interacts with her accompanists, with her audience, and with the musical material reminded me of Bessie Smith. I heard a toughness, a throatiness, in the voices of many of the Pansori singers I saw that was, for lack of a better word, very “bluesy”, as in, much like American blues singers’ voices. I think that is the biggest surprise I had throughout the festival, and a memory I will carry with me for a long time.

    And while I also heard many other performances of Korean music, such as the Gyonggi Dodang Gut, a marvelous performance of piri at the Wind from Asia orchestral fusion concert, and a lineup of fascinating stringed instruments—familiar and unfamiliar—at the Mural of the Black Turtle (Sori Sounds) concert, for me the greatest highlight was the Tradition and Avant-Garde in Asia concert series. I attended all of the shows in the series, and each one was worthwhile in its own way.

    The Living Fire Ensemble was aptly named, for fire was what they brought among us in the concert hall. Kurdish songs were interlaced with virtuoso solos on all of the instruments, and the largely instrumental program was a joy for me, since I prefer instrumental music to vocal. I suspect that a lot of the audience did not really understand what they were witnessing; it was the performance of traditional music by a people who themselves have been denied a homeland in the modern world. It was as significant an event as the performance of Pansori in occupied Korea would have been earlier in the last century, or perhaps even moreso (since, to have an occupied homeland is still to have a homeland, something Kurds don’t even have). To be witness to this was an honor, but more than anything it was a joy to see musicians in total control of their instruments. Among all the excellent soloists, in my opinion Hussein Zahawy’s work on the daf (a percussion instrument) was the most outstanding – a rose among a bouquet of fresh blooms.

    Another kind of resistance – to received ideas about what music ought to be – was presented in the Musica Ataraxia (no link, sorry) concert, where traditional Asian instruments were fused with the most blisteringly serious live avant-garde music I’ve heard in years. This is the kind of music one needs training or serious practice to understand, of course, and I am certain some of the audience was shocked, but people were actually very surprisingly receptive and appreciative, or at least polite. Personally, one of my long-standing dreams has been to hear avant-garde music performed on traditional Asian instruments, so I was very happy to see the show, difficult as the music was to parse at times.

    But the highlight of the Tradition and Avant-Garde series was the joint performance of the Yair and Salameh ensembles. It doesn’t surprise me that it is artists, rather than politicians, who know the secret to peace between Israel and Palestine – careful listening, observance of a shared tradition, and attention to building harmonious coexistence. But geopolitics aside, the music should always be the most important thing about any concert, and the music in this show was incredible. The oud was transformed from “some Middle Eastern guitar-like thing” into a living thing for me that night; the instrument took on a soft, dark voice, like that of a lover in the night, calling softly for nothing but to be listened to. The sitar – another favorite instrument of mine – shimmered like a fire burning farway in the desert, only occasionally audible but, each time, absolutely spellbinding. The rhythms played out on drums, ranging from tablas to darbukka (a kind of goblet drum) and some of the things that were done with tambourines that night defy the human imagination.

    Of course, it was often far too difficult to explain this to the people waiting outside the concert halls, each of the many times they interviewed me after concerts finished. How do you tell people that you feel like you attended something that, simply by happening, amounted to a binding together of the human spirit across boundaries, languages, animosities, troubles, and discords? I feel that a lot of the programming fit very well with the Festival’s theme, which bound together Confusion, People, and Harmony. However, to speak of such concepts to people who were already struggling to understand me would have been futile, so I often simply put it this way, expressing a sentiment in which I know I was not alone: “It has been a breath of fresh air for me. I feel as if great windows had been opened onto my inner world, and light let in through them. Something sleeping within me has been awakened, conjured back to life. I am very happy right now.”

    And even a few weeks later, thinking back on it, I am still very happy right now.

    — Gord Sellar, Oct. 2005.

    A Korean translation of this text (by Jung Chullsung) was published in Munhwa Journal (Nov. 2005).

  • Epithalamion (for Nick and 경주)

    Now the strange and blood-heavy lushness of spring
    is passing; the air, once thick-pollen’d, borne off
    by some breeze we all feel—and so let us have
    done with it, and bear down for the long, hot promise
    of summer that is settling into our bodies. This is
    the heart of the covenant, as you turn and look into
    her face, and you turn and look into his, and speak
    these words that mention, so briefly, the end of winter,
    the dark of the snow that covers the end of all promises,
    that makes us ache as we hear you say it, and yet—
    none who sees you standing together could doubt
    the wisdom of everything; not even the theodicy could
    swerve him; he who can read would see it on our faces
    who gather here to be in your sunlight, and feel
    for ourselves, the summer that is shining from you both.
    The world is the same, one season following the last,
    yet once more, somehow, has changed absolutely forever.

    – Gord Sellar, for a wedding on Saturday, May 22nd, 2004.

  • Spring

    What in other places they called chinooks
    had come and gone so many times that I
    had grown wary of believing spring would come.
    But then, one evening, a shaven-headed man
    in modest, humble roughcloth robes came down,
    into my rooms, wordless, fingers joined
    together around a secret, a lotus formed
    from his palms to bear it, and he smiled at me,
    the gleam of the secret illuminating his smooth crown.
    He unclasped his hands, and showed me what he’d borne
    down from the mountainside, what he’d found
    blooming, a harbinger in the corner of his cave.

    Let them come, I thought to myself, and held up
    the fife to my mouth, blowing melodies on.
    They’ve come like this before, I’ve seen such blooms
    that have been carried in the hands of such men,
    offered as proofs and demonstrations of things
    that I do not believe exist upon this earth.
    My song was sweet and thick and slow; no words
    can bend such as it did; no words could capture
    the twists of its winding route from breath to bones,
    but by the end it had taken a body in full
    and stretched its legs, and sat upon my floor
    glaring at me balefully.

    Alone with this melody I sat, eyes closed, listening
    to the breathing of stars, the clustering plaque within
    my mind, an organ that slowly was sloping towards
    the world’s deepest core, towards its own slow nuclei.
    I was becoming mired in quicksand already at my throat
    and my eyes were shut, and I did not open them.

    Time passes, even when no one mentions it. Especially then.

    A perfume. The flicker of a bloom into my nostril
    clasped my throat shut. It was a reminder. And
    I heard the voice, the first one… and then another.
    The sounds of bare, plain feet that have padded stones
    and road and dusk and continued like the tones
    that spilled from my flute what felt like a century
    before, the reedflute now set across my lap.
    My eyes closed, I raise my hand among them, dozens,
    feel their brows stretching upward into smoothness,
    the warm skin of their heads that feel each breeze
    even when I cannot. I feel the petals of their hands,
    and I know something of what they have come to say,
    even without them opening their hands to reveal it.

    It is not enough to say that I heard laughter,
    without saying how it felt to hear it and be unafraid.

  • In the Sand

    Talon precise through sand,
    gliding a path distinct from volition
    or editorial instinct, tracing suggestions
    of tail and thick-furred mane
    and the deepness of eyes gazing from across
    ten millions years of divergence. Around
    him the singsong bamboo forests’ incantations
    fail to enchant or distract him away from
    the task, this feline calligraphy
    that amounts to less than art, but much more than
    a mere pastime, calculations on the back
    of envelopes, kitchen philosophers’ theories.
    Through sand, talon sweeps in smooth lines,
    inscribing the creature
    into the ground, yet never enough for him
    to see more than the mere idea of her;
    never her face staring back, never actual.

    — Gord Sellar, April 2004

  • Metropole

    Monkeys can go nearly anywhere they please.
    Tiger would sit across from her, listening,
    head resting upon his great dubious paws
    as Monkey told him of the mad things she’d seen
    this time, during her frolics in the city.
    The mischief flickering in her eyes, the flick
    of her tail, the ruffle of her fingers midsentence,
    showing him, “It was as wide as this!”

    One day, with immense slowness, he decided that
    he, as deservedly as she, should see the city.
    They tromped through a village jammed blood-full of bumpkins
    side-by-side, their strides somehow happily matched.
    The villagers’ eyes were too obvious, their terror barely
    overpowered by horror at such an unholy pairing.
    Tiger met Monkey’s gaze, read carefully, finally asked:
    of course, she noticed, she said. But she didn’t care.

    — Gord Sellar, April 2004

Copy Protected by Chetan's WP-Copyprotect.